Transmissions of an Unknown Origin: The Road Trip Column by Chad Mitchell
With each transitory stage in life, there is always traveling to a different place. For whatever reason, I absolutely love and cherish these days whether it is all day at the airport, a train ride or the best of all, an excruciatingly long car ride amply titled, “ the road trip”.
The road trip, when well executed, is one of the single most essential experiences in life. I deem it worth of comparison to learning how to swim, and not your first, but most likely your second kiss. There is no definitive place where the trip has to go, the distance it has to be (but I suggest a time of at least a full day), or whether there is companionship or not.
I recently had the pleasure of taking a solitary road trip from Los Angeles, California, where I am in school, to Bend, Oregon, where my parents live and I went to high school. The trip is about 900 miles and takes roughly fifteen hours in good conditions. However, this trip was different; immense storms traveled through the entire way, and although my 2003 Subaru Legacy Wagon has all wheel drive, I have no snow tires. On Thursday January 29, 2004, it was then or never, and I manned up and decided to leave.
So now that this column reads like a poorly written high school paper, I will remedy the situation with how it involves the ultimate theme of Pastepunk, music. This being my first road trip alone, and with my full forty-gig iPod, I did not realize the immense and bountiful joy that I would find as my ears were graced with constant music of my choice (or the sometimes fantastic, sometimes terrible shuffle option). Buy as much new music as you can before the trip, there’s nothing more ideal than taking time to listen to an album fully, and all there is on a road trip is time. I personally stopped at Amoeba Records in West Hollywood and picked up a great number of albums, because it is most likely the best record store in the world.
Back to my ordained rules of a road trip however, there are certain stipulations and necessities involved. Of course the car is a must, and there is none better than the sufficiently titled Chadwagon, my Subaru. Check the weather report, you’ll be crossing into new places with strange conditions. Don’t mess around with weather, you can die! Along with this there must be rations, including the usual food and water. However, there are certain ideal foods and other drinks that are necessary.
First of all, make sure all bottles are wide mouthed, this comes in handy for any possible emergencies involving urination, or when you just don’t want to stop. I personally found myself using a wide mouthed gallon water bottle from Wal-Mart (only one dollar) to hydrate myself, then proceed to relieve myself into numerous times.
Naked Juice: Berry Blast is my favorite drink ever, so I stocked up for the ride and would recommend it to anyone.
Caffeine is entirely necessary, I prefer Red Bull, but find one drink you really like. This is essential for a speedy trip; I’ve seen people do full 24-hour drives without sleeping by buying a case of red bull.
Bring filling food, stopping anywhere takes up precious time! I like healthy food, granola bars, fruit, and some sort of trail mix on my trips.
Don’t stop unless you completely need to! Eat that banana and pee in that bottle, I managed to stop only twice other than to sleep. This was only for gas, which I turned into a dinner stop on the first day and a gas station junk food refill on the second.
Other tips:
Sleep consists of a reason to stop, however, postponing it is great. Drink some caffeine, use your cell phone, and put on different music to wake you up. I chose to put on UNEARTH- The Oncoming Storm to get the blood going and BRIAN WILSON- Smile to keep me so confused there was no way I could sleep.
An iPod is an amazing thing. The musical highlight of the trip had to be when somehow it chose in this order: DURAN DURAN, DIMMU BORGIR, and SIGUR ROS. Also, make some playlists, its just a glorified mix tape, and I recommend one called “epic openers” which consists of album first tracks that kick your ass, such as ARCH ENEMY “Enemy Within”
If you are going to speed, don’t do it only a few miles over, 75 in a 55 isn’t worth it if you are going to get a ticket when you realize the first time you get behind a slow truck everyone catches up to you. Now going 90 on the other hand, that gets you places. But watch for cops!
For a boy, pee in a bottle. For a girl, hold it! Nothing is worse than when I have traveled with a girl and going strongly but every hour she has to go to the bathroom. I know there are circumstances, but make sure it is a need! Also, don’t rush to drink your drink to have an empty bottle, it may seem like a good idea at the time, but when you have to pee again ten minutes later it won’t be. Boys: if you do have to go, make sure to relieve yourself in the girls’ bathroom. It’s ten times cleaner, guaranteed. Barry Scatton of Punkrocks.net “lives by that rule”
Throwing stuff will never cease to be fun. Peeing in bottles leads to full bottles, and a great target is any road sign. If more than one car is involved in the trip, there is no game more fun than “Car Wars”, which involves the grossest things that will splat against the other, and opposing cars. Make sure in this game to grab as many condiments as you can, and make a concoction of them that is the grossest things possible, then make it count.
Truck stops are great places to stop. They are filled with interesting people, great novelties, and probably some damn good food. Check out the music selection, everything from ten years ago is there and cheap, and I’ve heard tales of REFUSED albums being found at one for three dollars!
Another place to stop, according to Barry, is Kum & Go. Apparently they are only in the mid west and sell Krispy Kreme. Go to the website, but remember I haven’t been so I can’t entirely condone this, but Barry knows his crap, so listen up. Go to the Kum & Go site and check it out. While in the mid west, “dont plan on buying any porn on the stretch of interstate 80 between Illinois and Colorado, there are like 0 porn stores,” Barry adds, “I always got discouraged about that.”
An essential item is a large black marker and some blank white paper such as poster board. Who knows what will come of this, but make sure to write notes to anyone who can see. Any morons you pass get a sign, and make them count. A great example is when following someone who leaves his or her turn signal on for miles without turning, but ruining your life while waiting for it, also happens to have a WWJD? (What would Jesus do?) stickers. You have to have a sign saying, “What would Jesus do? He would turn off his damn turn signal!”
Don’t ever leave on your turn signal like that; there is nothing more frustrating for everyone else.
Whenever you feel like it, honk the horn. The horn is one of the greatest inventions of all time, and terribly underused. Do it for your own joy, and for the displeasure of others. Why is there so much animosity towards the horn? But also, watch out for cops.
Enjoy music; there is no more ideal place to listen to music than when you can blast it on a sufficient car stereo and pay attention to every part of the songs
Don’t care what you look like at any time. You are driving through these places, not staying. Make sure you are comfortable in your clothes. I wear sweats and make sure not to waste time showering. Play the air guitar, air drums, sing and scream as loud as you can, and dance your ass off. Putting on “PYT” by MICHAEL JACKSON and looking like an idiot while I danced as retarded as possible kept me awake in Weed, California.
Obviously there are more rules, but as for now, I can’t think of them, and you are probably sick of my blabbering. Treasure the road trip though, do it up and do it right. Use it as a fantastic time to listen to new music and rediscover old. The solitude will lead to great contemplation, or if not traveling alone, the company will lead to great conversation. My next traveling comes on Friday as I move to Massachusetts for a semester; I can’t wait.
