Control. I have realized in the past few months that I absolutely despise control.
The reason I state this is because a lot of things have been controlling, or dictating, my life as of late. School, of course, plays a huge role in creating this feeling. Work, community service projects, relationships, and innocent bystanders also play a part, at least in my current case. Perhaps it’s all a part of life: I’m supposed to be a busy college student with a hand in just about everything in order to develop and challenge my person. Don’t get me wrong, I love doing that.
But what really gets me is how I’ve lost personal control over my every movement. Everyday is ruled by a schedule in a pocket planner that I must create in order to stay on top of things. There is not a minute that goes by that I can reasonably call my own. And if I am brave enough to venture off the scheduled path, I do so at the expense of a minute spent studying, making money, or helping others. Never helping myself.
I’ve been taught - or perhaps I’ve just programmed myself - to be selfless. However, at this junction in my life, I think I need to have a little “me” time. I need time to think, relax, and, most importantly, put on the studio headphones and get lost in a song.
Over the past few months, I’ve lost touch with music, and it sucks. Music just doesn’t sound good when I’m driving short distances in a car or when I’m struggling to find the words to write a paper on subject I could care less about or even when I’m trying to fall asleep because, after all, I want to block out everything when I’m actually able to get some sleep.
This isn’t a great mindset by any means. As I’ve lost touch with music, I’ve also forgotten that it actually does sound good in those entire instances above. For a quick car ride, blasting snippets of a DILLINGER ESCAPE PLAN song is an easy way to release stress or anger. A CRIME IN STEREO song can offer worlds of inspiration when writing a paper. And listening to a FROM MONUMENT TO MASSES song can be one of the best ways to relax and forget the commotion of daily life.
As I write this, I realize there is no excuse for me to put music on the backburner. Despite the fact that schedules will continue to run my life, I must remember that music can alleviate the ills of such a situation.
“Tell me are you free
Tell me are you free
In word or thought or deed
Tell me are you free
While the gallows stand
And bullets lance the bravest lungs
We fold our hands and hold our tongues
Tell me are you free
When the fear falls in you
Tell me are you free
When the fear falls in you
Tell me are you free
Tell me are you free
In word or thought or deed
Tell me are you free
While the gallows stand
And bullets lance the bravest lungs
Will I fold my hands or hold my tongue
Or let the flames lick at my feet
Or breathe in fire and know I'm free
Flames will rise and devour me
Oh, to breathe in fire and know I'm free
